Marketing Defined

An extremely witty, and talented writer, John from Canada has gifted the readers of this Blog with his “right of reply” to my previous Post : John Cleese Reclaims English Language from the USA .  His reply on the comments field of that post was far too good to stay there… so here is the start of that long comment

Following is his first reply - the rest of John’s humour (from Canada) is available via the comments field of the above Post.

Quote:

This is a Canadian response to your explosive global altercation. I think us Canuck peace makers have disarmed the situation.

My response to Mr. Cleese: Well now isn’t this a fine display of British snobbery. Quite frankly I find your reasoning Fawlty.

Am I the only one who noticed that you folks no longer say that you are from Great Britain?

Apparently you have fully accepted the English ain’t so great and grand anymore. Now, they say they are from the U.K. meaning United Kingdom.  I think a class action lawsuit is in order for making claims of unity in your kingdom, can you spell I.R.A.?

And to get back on topic isn’t it a bit strange Mr. Cleese that you come from a supposedly united country and y’all are lecturing on pronunciation?

You have about 58,093 dialects and accents? Agreement on pronunciation? Hah! I think your umbreller got out of whack in the warshing machine.

You accuse those lovely but sometimes insufferable Yanks (I’m Canadian where we are much purer in speech of course) of removing letters like “u” but what about adding letters like an r to washing or umbrella? What’s with that? As far as I’m concerned that is “seless”.

Are you even aware of that deal over there (I think the movie Snatch by Mr. Madonna has an example or two?) where they say “upstairs” which means “part your hair” or “Barney Rubble” which means “you’re in trouble” or some such rot.

Speaking of which what is up with rot, I’m a bachelor and I know about rot in relationship to my refrigerator, but what does it have to do with other things, old chap?

And sports criticism. Well as far as I can see that is the marijuana calling the kettle black, old bean. Is everyone old over there? Besides your dottering old monarch? As a Canadian I am qualified to comment we still have the old dear doing nothing for us too.

Is there anything in sports (besides badminton and darts which were probably both invented in the Old Country) more ridiculous than cricket?

And try fox hunting over in Californiashire with PETA breathing down your necks.

Sir your supercilious, sanctimonious, sermonizing ain’t quite cricket over here in Camerica. What the hell does cricket have to do with things not being quite cricket?

I wish you Brit gits would get it right and call it soccer, we have a whole social class of soccer moms, sir, are we supposed to mess with their identity?

It’’s true that football is a European originated sport. For some reason it has not caught on in sensible Camerica.

Oh yeah, we love sports where a bunch of crybabies run up and down a field most of them not even touching the ball, fall down when a gust of wind comes up, act like they just received shrapnel, and then the game ends up with a 0 - 0 tied score. Breathtaking!

Try as I might I have no idea why you would present that dysfunctional royal family as something to covet a relationship with. I figure your going for a knighthood like Sir Elton or Sir McCartney who have certainly made the world a safer place to live - between jousting and rescuing damsels in distress.

And what is with the “Brits are so great” and to prove it you cite German cars and French fries. Anyone who has ever dined on English cuisine (an oxymoron?) understands and if you owned an old Vauxhall or Jaguar oh yeah, Johnny boy, dependability is the first thing that comes to mind.

Thankfully American auto manufacturers are coming to the Un-United Kingdom and straightening out your mess.

And what kind of commie pinko fag would speak out against guns? Go peel a potato buddy. What kind of an idiot would not want to protect themself against the lovely American passtimes of drive by shootings, car jackings and home invasions, sheesh.

Oh yeah and contract negotiations between rappers.

I am with you on that gnat-piss deal. Us Canadians can teach the world about beer you hoser.  But that Guiness crap is like drinking motor oil. And then just because you guys aren’t in the 21st century yet you advocate warm and flat beer? They have invented something that is used in Camerica extensively - refrigeration.

Speaking of oil I love your comments about gas prices as if this is something to aspire to. I’m sure the good people of Utahshire are impressed.

As to JFK’s assassin? It has been well covered up but it was Bond - James Bond, the man with a licence to kill. Lovely designation you English people have. Political intrigue indeed.

Well I will close out my defence of my neighboring country who still think that 3 miles on the U.S. side of their northern border is moderate weather but another 3 miles north is 10 months of winter and 2 months of bad skiing.

Basil you prating purveyor of prose, a podium pounding, pontificator, them Yanks kicked your prissy English asses once before over taxes I believe and independence.

Basil, you poof, your war has ended before it started, so back off! In case you didn’t do the math you are greatly outnumbered the United States of America ain’t the Falkland islands, so cheerio which incidentally is a breakfast cereal.

It’s no longer the red coats marching honorably against the blue coats. It is Uzi’s being fired from crack shacks. Go home before you get hurt where the cops carry clubs instead of armor piercing bullets like regular people.

And what is with Scotland Yard, is it outdoors?
UNQUOTE

John - are you ever going to tell me where your web site is located, or your surname for that matter? I feel a book deal around the corner, mate!